I admittedly haven't been the best person throughout my entire life.

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After some serious self reflection, I concluded that many occasions where I have been horrible to people, obnoxious, self obsessed and so on, I have been under the influence of substances.

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Now, please don't take that as me looking for an excuse for my behaviour, as it isn't.

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I've been horrible at times, whilst being sober. The realisation came when I acknowledged, that the times I'm nasty sober, are very much fewer than the times I'm intoxicated.

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As I've said, this isn't an excuse. Me off my face on a substance is still me. There's no two ways around that.

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I realise that it is all men, and I also realise that I am the only person fully in control of me.

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I can make the conscious decision to not become intoxicated, and become a vile version of myself. It's that simple.

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To anyone I've ever upset, hurt, or caused grief in the life of whilst under the influence of something, I sincerely apologise.

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There is no excusing some my behaviours whilst in this condition.

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After coming to this realisations, it is in my hands to permanently stop this version of me coming out.

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I cannot change the past, but I can change my future.

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To show true repentance, I must not get into this condition again. If I am aware that I can become this horrible person, if I drink or take drugs, then I potentially put others at risk by consuming these substances.

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To continue getting in this state, after having this awareness, means I do not care for other people. That is the realisation.

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To those who have been hurt by others in the past, I'm sure they've tried apologising. Talk is cheap, however. 

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Words mean nothing without action. An apology means nothing without change.

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To prove you are truly sorry, to the people you've hurt in your life. You have to change. I don't believe words are enough.

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Consciously make the effort every single day, to change for the better. If you have hurt people in the past, you have a lifetime ahead of you to change, confirming that you'll never be the source of someone's problems ever again.